Wedding vows, the most important part of partnership in a marriage, are not just words but promises we make to each other, to stand with one another in good and bad, in health and sickness, in richness and poverty and one of the most important thing though not said aloud is to share responsibilities and authorities equally. But many husbands tend to shy away from their responsibility towards house and parenting. They come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid domestic work. Women should try and manipulate their husband’s un-involved attitudes by understanding their personalities and molding them with love, care, affection, understanding and intelligence, as being partner is not just being equal but being equal and completing the half.
The Boy Husband:
- The boy husband is generally needy and is dependent on his wife for every small day to day things or he is still his mumma’s boy.
- He is the earning member of the family and may be good in this career flowchart but when it comes to personal or family life he is dependent on his partner for everything.
- He has no concept of what adult responsibilities mean.
- He probably needs his wife to wake him up in the morning, fix his breakfast, pay his bills, balance the household checkbooks, take care of the children and the family day to day domestic needs.
- He really is like another child in the family.
To make the boy husband more aware and involved around the household responsibilities, the wife should stop supporting his behavior. The wife should tactfully let her husband know that he has to participate and the change is about to take place. Expect some resistance but be firm about getting him to take over some household tasks. However, you have to be patient and keep your expectation levels low as the boy husband cannot change overnight. If he has never taken up responsibilities, he may truly feel terrified, confused and overwhelmed by the prospect of adding these to his profile. So it’s important to help him and let him know you are there to guide him and you can take over gradually.
The Angry Husband:
- The angry husband often uses his male macho image, loud voice or harsh tone to daunt his wife when she voices her expectation or tries to involve him to help with domestic chores.
- He finds an escape route by appalling her.
- The wife will need to stand up for herself and refuse to be intimidated if she wants to see some changes in her husband or his involvement in family and household affairs.
Keep having discussions about getting him to be more involved in household chores and parenting duties. If he shouts, calmly but sternly explain him that he needs to lower his voice and speak in a more respectful tone as you are no less than a partner. The angry husband will probably try to scare you with his old ways but the wife needs to maintain her stand, the husband may soon get the idea that his old style isn’t working anymore. If the angry husband is also a physically abusive spouse then you need to warm him of calling domestic violence cells and if the behaviour persists you should seek help.
The Worried Husband:
- The worried husband is constantly worried about things around him about how much pressure and stress he has about his office and outside the house affairs.
- He tries to find an escape route by showing how busy and overloaded he is with other responsibilities. He refuses to do any of the household chores or parenting duties because he has the fear that he might mess things up in his professional or social field.
- But this also means the wife ends up doing the lion’s share of housework.
The solution is to show the worried husband that his behavior is irrational and his first and foremost responsibility is towards family and home but avoid criticizing him. The wife can express her concern over his tendency to worry and over exaggerate things. Let him know that if he messes up or is not able to do things perfectly its ok till the time he is ready to try it.
Different types of husbands avoid housework and parenting responsibilities in different manner. The boy husband, the angry husband and the worried husband all have their own personalities and traits. By understanding these personalities and tackling them by changing their own behaviour or with some friendly guidance, wives can gradually change their husband’s un-involved attitudes regarding household chores and parenting duties.