Women Need Foreplay:
Say this in a close group of women and what follows is this
“My husband doesn’t really get that sex itself doesn’t do much for me”,
“I need a lot of warming up”,
“He seems to think there’s something wrong with me”;
Like why should we have to spend so much time on this “other stuff” instead of sex? How can I get him to understand that women need foreplay?
How to help husbands understand we need to be warmed up?
Excellent question! So here are some quick thoughts:
- God made men and women physiologically differently:
Quite frankly, women don’t receive as much stimulation from intercourse as men do, and so for most women, intercourse, in and out itself, is not enough to bring them to orgasm. If, on the other hand, she gets aroused first, that means that the clitoris and the area around the clitoris get enlarged, and they then feel much better during intercourse. She needs to be warmed up! There is nothing wrong with women if they want to be touched BEFORE intercourse!
- Sex is more than Intercourse
The problem is that we tend to believe there’s sex, and then there’s the optional bits.
Let’s stop seeing those “bits” as optional! Sex is more than intercourse. It’s touching. It’s playing. It’s feeling wonderful! It’s being even more intimate.
Being “sexual” is doing anything that can cause someone else to get aroused–it isn’t just intercourse. Touching someone you’re dating below the clothing is dangerous and wrong, not just because it can get them aroused and you may go further, but because that’s sexual in and of itself. And we shouldn’t do sexual stuff until we’re married.
We all agree that touching each other is sexual BEFORE we’re married, so that means it’s sexual AFTER we’re married, too! It’s all part of the complete package. So why not enjoy it? It makes intercourse feel better for both of you anyway, because it helps drag out the whole thing and make it even more intimate.
- Be More Active During Foreplay
Nevertheless, foreplay can be awfully tedious, and kind of off-putting, if we think of foreplay as something that HE does to ME. And I think that’s the problem with it: we’re passive, and we expect him to arouse us. But then you start to worry, “is he getting bored? Am I taking too long?” And it’s all just so stressful.
But one of the ways around this is to stop being passive and actually be active! Make foreplay something that you do together, not something that he does to you. So it’s actually an act which needs both of you to equally participate and have fun else it becomes a dirty picture and relationship can no longer be healthy.